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The second and third strokes arrived swiftly and with little time between each, slicing into my flesh and feeling like I'd had a red hot poker thrust against me. “AH, AH, AH, OW,” I shrieked as I near crushed the edge of the desk with my hands. As the next three strokes arrived, they compounded my agony and as I tensed and untensed my body to quell the pain, I questioned in my mind why on earth I was putting myself through this. With six strokes administered, Karen lowered the cane and gently ran a hand over my throbbing buttocks. “How does your bottom feel?” she asked. “It hurts Miss, but sort of in a good way,” I responded, my words somehow bizarrely reminding me of the Millie Jackson record from a couple of years earlier, 'It Hurts So Good'. Had my predicament been different I'm sure I would have begun humming the tune! Placing the cane on the surface of the desk next to me, Karen placed her hands on my hips and eased herself toward me, slowly and deliberately rubbing herself. There was nothing to try and save, no matter how much we both wanted to make it all work out. I couldn't make her happy and setting her free was the best thing I could do for her. Even if it did hurt the both of us. It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used has taken over any of my previous.
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